Anxiety, Control, and Steps for Letting a Decision Be ‘Good Enough’

When Maya’s friend asked her to help plan a surprise party, she wanted to say yes. But then came the flood of what-ifs: What if she overstepped? What if someone got left out? What if she messed something up and everyone blamed her? Within minutes, she’d talked herself out of participating. It's not that she didn’t want to help, but her brain had turned a simple decision into a maze of potential disasters.

Erin sat staring at her laptop, the cursor blinking on a half-finished pros-and-cons list. Her partner had long since gone to bed, but she was still calculating every possible outcome of switching jobs. She mentally imagined the commute, the coworkers, the hypothetical stress of a boss she hadn’t even met yet. Each new variable spun out another layer of analysis until she felt dizzy. She knew she wasn’t closer to an answer. Just more exhausted.

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Thinking in circles doesn’t make the answer more right. It just makes you tired.

Overthinking often feels like we have control and as though we’re protecting ourselves from mistakes. But in reality, it traps us in cycles of analysis that keep us from making any choice at all. This kind of mental overdrive is common for people who are conscientious and care deeply about doing things right. The problem is, it turns every decision into a moral test. This is a type of perfectionism that is disguised as problem-solving. It keeps us stuck. It feels productive, but it’s actually form of avoidance.

"Disordered problem-solving," or what I call "out-of-order problem-solving" in psychology means having trouble figuring out how to solve problems in a clear, calm, or helpful way. This can happen when someone’s personality traits, executive functioning, or anxiety gets in the way. For example, a person who is perfectionistic might get stuck trying to find the “right” or "best" answer and feel afraid to make a mistake. Others might avoid problems completely because they’re scared of failing. Ordered problem-solving helps interrupt that loop by shifting focus from certainty to clarity. This approach to problem-solving helps us turn away from all the futures and possibilities we might imagine and redefine what “good enough” really means.

Let's go over the steps I suggest to my clients. While using these steps, I want you to imagine your problem-solving method going forward in a straight line instead of a spiral. Remind yourself, "a straight line moves me forward, a spiral pulls me down."

Step 1: Define the Actual Problem, Not All Possible Problems

Disordered: “What if I miss something? What if this leads to something else later?”

Ordered: “What decision is actually in front of me right now?”

• Focus only on what needs solving now

• Avoid spiraling into hypothetical futures

Step 2: Identify Controllable vs. Uncontrollable Factors

Disordered: “I need to guarantee the outcome.”

Ordered: “What’s in my control? What’s not?”

• Accept that outcomes can’t be guaranteed

• Free up energy to act within actual influence

• Mantra: My decision doesn't have to be perfect because I trust myself to handle mistakes.

Step 3: Set a Time or Step Limit on Decision-Making

Disordered: Endless analysis, revisiting the same options

Ordered: “I’ll research for 20 minutes, then decide.”

• Use time/effort boundaries to prevent rumination

• Prioritize efficiency over perfection

• Mantra: Looping endlessly will not make me more right.

Step 4: Apply a “Good Enough” Standard

Disordered: “I must choose the best possible option.”

Ordered: “What’s a reasonable or satisfactory choice for now?”

• Use criteria like adequacy, feasibility, values, not perfection

• Respect your limits of knowledge or clarity

• Embed concepts of virtue where moral decisions do not hold ourselves to harsh extremes.

• Mantra: Uncertainty doesn't mean failure.

Step 5: Allow Emotional Discomfort Without Solving It

Disordered: “I must feel 100% confident before acting.”

Ordered: “I’m anxious, but I can tolerate this uncertainty.”

• Recognize anxiety as part of the process

• Do not confuse discomfort with danger or failure

• Mantra: All decisions have a downside and I must accept this.

• Mantra: All decisions involve a loss and I must tolerate this.

Step 6: Make the Decision + Practice Non-Rumination

Disordered: Revisits decision, seeks reassurance, second-guesses

Ordered: “I’ve made the best decision with the info I had. I’ll move forward.”

• Commit to action

• Accept imperfection and potential course correction later

• Mantra: I will not criticize myself for decisions made where I used ordered problem-solving, even if I dislike the outcome.

Wrapping it all Up

Disordered problem-solving keeps us trapped in analysis because it mistakes anxiety for information. Ordered problem-solving restores balance by teaching the mind to pause, decide, and move forward in the face of doubt. Progress depends less on perfect reasoning and more on emotional flexibility: the ability to make choices despite uncertainty and trust that correction is always possible later. It’s not about being certain; it’s about being steady. Thinking deeply will always be part of healing, but looping isn’t learning.

You don’t have to be certain to move forward by letting a decision be "good enough."

You only have to be willing to trust that clarity and self-compassion will meet you there.

Important Note: The information shared here is for educational purposes and is not intended to replace professional mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you’re facing challenges with your mental health, please reach out to us or another a licensed mental health professional who can support you. The stories in our posts are fictional and created to help explain important concepts. They are not based on client cases. Protecting the privacy and dignity of those we work with is central to our practice, and we do not use client experiences in our content.